Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Understanding Women - 25

Men, a woman is never wrong.
Men, when dealing with a woman , you are always wrong.

If you feel she is wrong , but she does not :-
then you have made the mistake of not being able to understand her . So you are wrong.

If you feel she is wrong, and she also feels that way :-
then you have made the blunder of making her realize that she is wrong!! So, you are more wrong than ever.

Men, a woman is never wrong.
Men, when dealing with a woman , you are always wrong ;)

*Cartoon credit

It starts with a thought

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habit.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. 
                                                         ”     Lao Tzu

So, what are you thinking right now ?

Friday, August 23, 2013

Building good relationships - Part 4

If haven't read part 1, click here to do so before reading this post.

And now the last 2 facts are about biology.

Fact 7 :-
  • Men are always looking for physical attachments, but they actually get attached to their partner when they get attached emotionally,
  • Women are always looking for regular emotional attachments, but they actually get attached to their partner when they get attached physically.
What does this mean ?

Boys - if you are "just friends" to that girl you love, its because you have become emotionally attached to her but she is not physically attracted to you.

Girls - if your boyfriend is just interested in sex and not marriage, its may be because you have given him the physical attachment he desired, but he is not emotionally attached to you !

Men and Women, I hope that now you know your own and each other bodies better.

Now, the big question - how the hell these facts help you in your relationship ?

We will discuss this situation by situation - and you may extrapolate according to your best judgement.

But some pointers in short:-

  1. Do not justify your actions with excuses.
    By not fooling yourselves with excuses, you will do things that you really want to - instead of finding excuses and do things that you don't really want deep inside.
  2. Do no expect anyone to treat you "right". People will behave with you, as they seem fit for their own good. If you know this, you will handle your emotions better.
    :- that does not mean you become a cynic , expecting everyone to do wrong to you :P understand, its not about 'your' right wrong - its about 'theirs' right-wrong , which you can not control
  3. All concept of morality, right-wrong, justice are taught to you by a majority (known as society) . You can always choose to have your own concepts.
    :- Don't go against the social rules, just because its cool - or just because you want to be a rebel . Go against when you truly understand and believe otherwise, and are aware of all the consequences.
  4. Speaking of consequences, society will punish you, if you break social rules. Law will punish you, when you break the law. Remember this, when you do choose to do things that you like. Do not crib later on :P
  5. Men and Women are different - biologically , physically and psychologically and so are their needs.
  6. Last and the most important point :- This series was about YOU and only you , not your partner, not your friends.
    Do not try and teach your partner these facts. If you do, you have lost the point of this series. Keep this series about you and your interactions with the world.
50% of your relationship is about YOU. If you are not happy with yourselves, with your spouse or with the society, your relationships can never work.
Thats why this series is about you.
And, if you still just want the mantras on how to keep the other 50% happy, you can find millions on the internet :)

Lastly, remember one thing, life is bigger than a relationship. Irrespective of whether you have a good relationship or not - find your dreams, your goals, things that you like - find them. Remember, 50% of any of your relationships is about YOU.

Cookie :-

Rocky talking about world, excuses and life.

Building good relationships - Part 3

If haven't read part 2, click here to do so before reading this post.

Next 2 facts are about the society. Yeah the evil society !

Fact 5:  Society is a group of organism ... ok, if you have read previous posts, you already know what this fact is about. Society serves to common interests of a majority, not only yours.
Fact 6:  If you break social rules, society will try to punish you. if you don't want to be punished, follow these rules.

Same is with Law - if you don't follow law, law will try to punish you. Gays and lesbians have been fighting this battle with law, for ages. Law has recently started to give them their basic human rights - not because they were wrong earlier and  justified now - but because now there is a majority that believes being homosexual is not wrong.

Society is not evil . It feels just as justified and righteous for every action, as you do ! It is as justified evil as you are !

  • You can chose to follow these social rules blindly, follow them partially with your judgment or ignore them completely.
  • When you choose to go with the social rules, you choose to have an easier survival tactics - ie. safety of a herd.
  • When you chose not follow society rules, your own survival becomes your own responsibility and harder. Deal with it, instead of cribbing about it.

Problem with people :- they try to claim their "freedom" from social rules by giving themselves "self-righteous" or "modern" reasons - and then expect society to give the safety of herd.
Now thats a Stupid Expectation.

Why is this society important in a relationship?
Well, your parents, your relatives, your peers  - all these will intervene in every relationship of yours and every personal choice of yours - directly or indirectly.

When you learn this 2 facts about society, you will
1. learn to not give stupid social or anti-social reasons to justify what you want to do

2. realize that your identity in society will be based on how they see you - you can't change that but your identity in your mind can be based on how you see yourself.

Weird observation, when the society is against someone, that person usually starts to mistreat the person nearest to him/her !
What do you think correct observation or Incorrect observation ?

Cookie :-

Image Source :- unknown

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Building good relationships - Part 2

If haven't read part 1, click here to do so before reading this post.
These 2 facts are about your special one :-

Fact 3 :- He/she is an organism with survival instinct being his/her top most priority.
Fact 4 :- He/she is an organism with need to produce offspring as his/her second top most priority.

You didn't seriously thought that your special one will be any different human being than you ?
Realize this :-
He/She will treat you as his/her instincts force him/her to treat you. How you treat him/her , has nothing to do with how he/she will treat you ! And he/she will always have "justified" reasons for the behaviour.
But , it seems so wrong ?

I am truthful, dutiful and faithful - still my husband does not treat me well :O
I love my wife so much, but she betrayed me and had an affair with another man :O
My boss does not see my hard work and always complains :O

Add as many "wrong" situations as you want here

But realize this :- People will treat you as they want to treat you.You can not control them !!!

"Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too."
--Will Smith
“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”--Wayne Dyer
Getting the point here ? You may not be able to stop people from hurting you, but you can still chose to not get hurt, and chose to live your life as you want. Go back to Part 1 of this series to understand You better. To understand that if people hurt you, and you do something
  • to take revenge, or  
  • because now it "is right" to act in certain way, or 
  • because "he/she also does the same" - 
then you have not understood the first 2 facts. Your life, your actions, your reasons - do not justify it with other people actions.

If you have realized these 4 facts , to be continued .......

Cookie:- Coming up soon

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Building good relationships - Part 1

In my last post, I appealed you to promote relationships. But how do you build "good" relationships with other human beings, including your spouse?

Search, and internet will give millions of mantras as how to improve relationships with your special one(s). I am not gonna tell you all those mantras. I will tell you 8 simple facts. I believe that if you accept these, it will help in your relationship.

First 2 facts are about YOU

Fact 1 :- You are an organism with "survival instinct" being your top most priority.
Millions of cells in your body depend on this instinct of yours for their own survival.
Fact 2 :- You are an organism with need to "produce offspring" being your second top most priority.
Genes in your body want to live for ever !!

You may not realize this, but most of your decisions in life will be based on these two facts:-
  1. somehow survive - physically, emotionally, financially and socially
  2. bow down to your body's desire to reproduce.

No matter what self-righteous reasons you give, fact is your core nature to treat people around you will always be based on these 2 facts.

Unless you accept these two facts!!

do not cheat and justify with self-righteous crap,
do not steal and justify with social-righteous crap,
do not lie and justify with  feminist-righteous crap.

Nobody is going to believe your justifications.
Apart from you , everybody else can see why you did what you did. And when you will put blame that "he/she does not understand you", a bridge will be created in that relationship.
Instead, accept these facts and instead of justifying, see your behavior clearly too.
Also, by not giving these excuses, you give yourself a chance to be, what you actually want to be deep inside.

What do you think, is it actually possible to not justify your actions ?

And how accepting these two facts gonna help your relationship ? 

To be continued....

Cookie :- Thats how White Blood Cells in your body, chase bacterias in the blood

Image Source

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Do not fall in love , fall in a relationship instead.

Love is a selfish need to produce hormones so that you can feel ‘magical’.

When in love, you are known to be ready to lose almost everything else for it- be it closely guarded virtue, or relationships with parents, or career or even life.

When a bigger need for survival of own trumps this hormone addiction, love fades away, leaving you and your loved one disappointed and unhappy with each other and your own lives.

    Relationship is mutualism - benefitting both.

    Relationships are perceived to be boring and takes lot of time and effort to build.

    Being in a good relationship makes you grow personally, improves your relationships with other people, increase chances for a better career and create happiness.

    Because of the effort and time invested, relationships last longer.

      What is the difference between the terms love and relationship? 
      Falling in love requires no reasons, creating relationship are based on mutual understanding and respect. 
      Love can survive breaking of trust, but relationships don't - turning them into arrangements. 
      Love is about losing yourselves, relationship is about being yourselves while respecting the other individual’s identity. 
      Bollywood teaches about love, not even your parents teach about relationships :(

      Promote relationships.

      Do not fall in love , fall in a relationship instead

      Cookie :- Chris's views on love , relationships and women :D